Step One: Buy Liquor. It’s a long hike from the stadium to the liquor store, which is at 35th and Morgan. Make sure to purchase flask size bottles or smaller. Remove change from your pocket, so you’re not clanking at the gate.
Step Two: The Gate. Needless to say, act natural. Put the bottle in your pocket, and make sure the top isn’t sticking out. Security doesn’t check pockets, just purses. Don’t give head nods, or be funny. Just breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, and try not to pass out from anxiety.
Step Three: Get Soda. Make sure to ask for extra ice. If you’re feeling brave, ask for ice and tell the vendor to fill it halfway with soda. The key to a good drink is a lot of ice and mixing it well. After you dump the whiskey in your coke (or whatever), fold the lid of the cup in half, and use it to mix your drink.
Step Four: Don’t get kick out. They’re pretty strict these days. You can get ejected just for throwing an away team’s homerun back on the field.
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